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 Punk meets Metal |
North 
Mann
Dabei seit: 11.04.2005
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Hier in Berlin gbite es dann und wann schöne Festivals mit dem Namen "Punk meets Metal" zur musikalischen Völkerverständigung. Da ich mich mit Metal zu dem Zeitpunkt des letzten Festivals im Sommer so garnicht auskannte habe ich einmal recherchiert und bin auf folgende schöne Liste gestoßen, die ich heute wiedergefunden habe und natürlich nicht vorenthalten möchte:
HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess
GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and
fucks her....... easy and quick
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy
axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and
kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the
deflowered princess
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
CHRISTIAN METAL:
The protagonist arrives and hands the dragon a leaflet. Rescues the princess. She then asks if they can fuck, but he insists not until they are married. The dragon throws the leaflet in the trash.
NEW METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing a backwards baseball cap and a hoodie. He breaks out a mic and begans to bust a rhyme about his childhood issues. The dragon blows fire and the protagonist melts being completely artificial and made of plastic.
So ich hoffe das hat allen Unbedarften im Bereich Metal weitergeholfen und sie mögen sich nun wie ich besser auskennen. Darüber hinaus sei gesagt, dass ich hoffe, kein "echter" Metallfan fühlt sich hierduch in seiner musikalische Ehre gekränkt. Man möge es doch bitte mit dem nötigen augezwinkern lesen, mit dem es auch geschrieben wurde.
Abschließend sei die Frage in den Raum gestellt, was ihr von solchen musikalischen Crossover-Veranstaltungen haltet. Mir persönlich hat es hervorragend gefallen, da ich sonst wohl nie auf ein Metallkonzert gegeangen wäre und mich niemals (mehr oder weniger) ernsthaft mit der Musik beschäftigt hätte.
__________________
Mit dem Schmerz in ihrer Seele haben sich zu viele profiliert
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13.12.2005 22:12 |
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